So in my dream, I'm flipping channels and watching J. Wiggins do his thang on every single network. One minute he was hitting a last second jumper to beat PITT in the Elite 8 and the next second he was Horatio Cain getting smart with Diddy on CSI Miami. I know it sounds crazy but let me continue. lol... After watching myself get my "G. Garvin" on in the kitchen with some Filet' Mignon, I decided to see how I was doing on Jeopardy. It was the Double Jeopardy round and all of the questions from the categories that I was felt I was an expert on were already completed. [ PHOTOGRAPHY - DONE.... ] [NIGHTLIFE - DONE....] [POETRY - DONE...] [TRACK AND FIELD - DONE...] The only category that was left was RELATIONSHIPS... A subject that I am HORRIBLE AT... I was nervous because I was in second place between two of my competitors. Answering these questions correctly would be the difference between going home with a ton of money or going home broke. I watched myself nervously choose "Relationships for $40"... Alex Trebek then told me his answer. In Jeopardy, the host tells you the answer and your job is to respond with the question. Makes sense? Don't act like you have never seen Jeopardy before. Moving on.... Mr. Trebek then states, "Dinner, Movie, Dessert, and Drinks are an example of THIS…” I buzzed in surprised as hell. I couldn’t believe that I knew the answer to this question! Or should I say I knew the question to his answer. Whatever the case, I stated “What is trickin’ if you got it?” Trebek then gave me the playa wink. He agreed that it was indeed trickin’ if you got it.
There is no denial that we are in a recession right now. Money is real short and we don’t have the same financial luxuries that we had 10 years ago. Due to the recession, the whole concept of dating has changed. What was once known as a nice evening of entertainment has indeed turned into trickin’ because “we don’t got it.” The purpose of dating is to see if you are compatible right? After having a long conversation with one of my closest female friends, we agreed that $40-$60 is too much money to spend to see if I like you or not. Think about it. You are a man and you meet a woman at the bookstore. You engage in casual conversation and decide that you want to pursue it further. Like my friends in Houston would say, you want to just “see what see talknbout.” You decide to do something simple like go to a reasonably priced restaurant like Chili’s. Two Entrée’s, two sodas, and an appetizer… (Women don’t you dare try to order some DRANK on a first date without us discussing this first… A great way to get voted off the show before I’m about to give you your show name… ie Flavor of Love, etc) Now lets say dinner comes to about $40. Add gratuity and that brings the total to about $47. What comes next? The movie of course! It seems like movie prices go up every year. IF you go to Warren theatres and sit in the world famous balcony, the tickets WILL cost you $18 each without the matinee pricing. Since you we aren’t going to sit in the balcony, the tickets are $12 each. Add in popcorn, candy, and all of the other things that lil kids and women go crazy over as they are walking through the lobby. Lets just say you get weak and buy a small popcorn and ONE DRINK.. You read that right. You get one drink because you know you don’t want to spend $4 on another watered down flimsy cup. Bam! Nine more dollars are added to your total for the evening just because you just want to see “whatshetalkinbout”…. So based off your conversation at dinner and HER choice of movie, you decide that she is NOT what you were looking for. She exposes a few “DEAL BREAKERS” and you know that you can’t proceed with any type of relationship/interaction. So lets break down the price tag of the evening…
Dinner - $47
Movie Tickets - $24
Movie Treats - $9
The grand total is $80
So you spend $80 on a woman just to realized that you just aren’t that in to them. That is a lot of money being spent during the recession. The reason why the price is such a big deal is because I had a conversation with ANOTHER female friend and she met a guy that was interested in her. She thought he was kinda cool and he obviously felt her energy. He then asked her to go bowling and she said no. When I asked her why she said no, she told me that he was being cheap. WTF? In my opinion, I believe that everything that was accomplished during the dinner and movie can be covered in a few games of bowling. Do women require you to spend “X” amount of dollars before they take you serious? To me it just doesn’t make any sense. I don’t mind spending my hard earned money on a woman that I feel is worthy…. But why should I spend $40, $50, or even $80 just to see if I like you or not? I think that is a bit much. It isn’t about being cheap, it is being economical and efficient. What if you choose to repeat the same courtship process with another woman a week or two later? Those totals can easily add up to car payments. I’m just sayin’…
So what are your thoughts? Do you think women require men to spend money on them like THAT or do you think that there are some women out there that feel that bowling is good enough? Do you think that you can get the same great conversation from going to coffee shop/bookstore/bowling versus dinner and a movie? I would LOVE TO HEAR YOUR OPINIONS!
My dog woke me up with her stinky licks again… I was in the BEST sleep of my life.. The kind where the drool just won't stop drooling. Yeah.... THAT GOOD. The kind where you wake up feeling like like you are in the matrix because you think that the dream is actually real life. I looked at my dog and told her that I would by her more dog food and chew toys… after all… I guess it isn’t trickin’ if you got it.
As always your comments are ALWAYS WELCOME!
-J. Wiggins
(Your favorite bloggers favorite blog)
25 comments:
WOW!! I was just talking to a friend about this the other day. I'm used to the baller type men I date but I finally found the perfect man and guess how much he spent on me to get me. $0.00. You are very right that in todays times money is tight for everyone and dating methods have changed. Women, Yes, Women tend to have tunnel vision on what they expect from a man thus, the high divorce rate in America. If thats all a woman sees is dollar signs then she's focused on the wrong thing anyway. A healthy relationship is far beyond the $$$$ sign. Women need to focus on his Independence not how much he spends on ya. How he treats you and the time he invests in you. The man i met took time out to just chill with me my house and i cooked or we just watched t.v. We realized that way in our talks just how much we were compatiable as friends and then lovers. I dated men with the big bills and realized that money can't buy the things that matter in a solid relationship. And i'm also big on the you pay for your own stuff and i pay for mine deal too. Devious Doll
I would truly rather do something small in the beginning to see if "I'm into the guy" I don't want him wasting my money or his. I can tell within the first 15 minutes of a date if I will call him back or even give him my time again! Cuz my time is precious in this recession:) I don't care how cute, how much money he has, or how much time he's willing to devote to me, if he can't catch my attention(cuz i do have ADD) then hoooollllllaaaaaahhhhhhhh
Me personally j wigg Thinks that men should not pay for the entire date. reason being is because i dont want a man having any expectations at the end of the date. saying that if a man pays for dinner than i should pick up the movie or at least offer. times are hard so you may also want to make sure that you are really feeling that person i get calls all the time where male friends say shamar this girl was this and that and i ask well was she the same way when you conversated on the phone they say yeah so i ask why are you mad they say i didnt think she would be the same in person. but yes i think at this time that 40 to 80 bucks is to much to spend to see if you feeling someone
I agree with Shamar. If the guys pays for one thing I'll pay for another. Hell if I know where we're going I'll look for discounts before we go out (2 for one certain days at the art museum dont trip). With that being said, if a guy is constantly talking about where he works and how much money he makes, I will have the expectation that he's paying for the date. If you are using your income as a way to catch my interest you cant be mad when I expect you to spend it. That's like a woman bragging about how great of a cook she is, then refusing to cook and being mad at you for asking her to do it in the first place.
I have a few points to cover, so forgive me if I get a little scatterbrained:
Like you said $40-80 is lot to spend to see if you like someone and for that reason we need to re-examine the way we date. If we spent more time talking to someone-not texting/emailing/instant messaging- but actualy TALKING prior to going out, I think a lot of undesireables would be weeded out, before any regrettable bread was spent. You can tell in a few decent length conversations whether you find a person interesting or not.
Not a phone person? Hit Starbucks for some face time. A few soy lattes is not going to break the bank and if it will, you need to be focused on getting yourself together, but I digress! Go to the museum, that's cheap and nice. Nice day out? Hit the park and feed the ducks. Bottom line, no one wants to invest in something without conducting proper reasearch. that goes for ladies and men.
I've been on dates where the dude has come out of pocket in the triple digits, only to not have a second or third date. I've also gone out for just ice cream and had much more fun.
In the end, recession or not, money is a replenishible resource. Time is not. Spend your time wisely and the money you spend will follow suit.
J. great Blog!....by the way Hiarious! But I agree with most of the comments above. If the guy pays for dinner I'll pick up the movie...in my opinion the whole "movie" thing is so stanard anyway and a waste of time because you are just sitting there and not communicating. I think Dinner and Starbucks or museum are great Ideas. Ne ways keep the blogs coming!
LMAO @ "what is trickin' if you got it?"
Anyway - here's my two cents: I'm not paying for anything if you ask me out. That's all there is to it. So I can totally agree with spending more time talking to a person b4 you decide to go out. I'm currently dating myself right now bc I don't have time to worry about someone not being able to afford to take me to Chilli's. If I do date it's "interfacial" bc I don't have time for anything else.
Ebonee - This note isn't about "who pays" and who ask who out... It is about dating options. I believe that I should have the choice of starting at my comfort zone then working up to Chili's and beyond. All I'm saying is that if I'm initially trying to get to know you, should I have to spend money on you to do it? I literally had a female tell me that she told a guy no because going bowling just wasn't good enough... I have heard other women say that watching movies at the crib is just being cheap. Are you with me now? Have fun putting it on yourself tonight... lol
Claudia - Thank you. I think the sexy thing to do is go in half the way that you explained. Many people think that a movie is just an easy way out because you really don't have to interact with the other person UNLESS you go see a Tyler Perry movie and you take a woman from the hood... She is guaranteed to share with you ALL of her opinions through out the whole course of the movie. lol
Shaana - Triple digits? Man... You got it like that?! You are fine and all but I'm not sure if I would ever spend triple digit figures on a first date with a woman that I didn't know. All of your comments were well stated although I have never had a woman tell me that going to feed the ducks was cool. I lived right next to a duck pond my first year at OU and that was never on the agenda. lol... I'm just sayin'.
Shamar - I feel you on the expectations comment. Although we will never admit it, if we as men spend a target number of money on you, we would expect something. Like if I was the dude that spent triple digits on Shaana, I would be trying to spend the night, get naked, and try to beat some breakfast out of you. I'm just sayin'. lol
Ayana - I know alot of cats like that... lol
Maybe i'm solo in this or just don't find the right women but rarely has a women offered to pay for any part of the date....The whole movie thing is so cliche' and u waste time not really getting to know the person....Thatz why bowling is not a bad idea....$5 a game, $2 for shoes and maybe $5 for snacks but the conversation could be priceless in the long run....
Wigg - I hate you! I was simply saying I'm not helping pay for a date bc the first two ladies said they don't mind sharing the expense. Honestly, I don't even like Chilli's, or the movies.I would much rather spend time having a conversation over drinks or taking a walk. But like Ms. Sweazie said, the guys that are interested in me would never know that bc they're too busy texting me trying to figure out why I prefer Bub B and hate Lil' Wayne. This is why you see a number of women not dating at all during this recession. But I think that you will find there are a lot of women, including me, that just appreciate the fact that you want to spend time rather than money.
Ebonee - I know you hate me but just remember that the whole inspiration behind this note was the fact that I have met many women that have told me that time wasn't good enough. I have alot of female friends (You included) that I always discuss "life" with. Many of those women require men to pay what they way. They don't even care about "time" until they get into a relationship and realize that the ninja is never with them and that same ninja is on Concepts every week. I'm still not convinced that "time" is good enough for a woman that you just met and that you are trying to get to know better.
As far as I'm concerned, whoever does the inviting is the person who does the paying. You ask me to go out with and you're sponsoring the evening and vice versa.
J. Wigg- One triple digit guy was looking for the same. Reason #3 there wasn't a second date. I can see why you say for some ladies time is not enough. I can't speak for all women, but there are many (especially my sisters) who have been conditioned to measure quality on a monetary scale. It's not right, but it is real.
Good Blog Wiggy.... Now I have a question for you. You know my sport dating habits, but even in my person fashion of dating I still hold on long and generally frequent converstaions with guys before they take me out. It's rare that I have not spoken to and have some ideas of the "dea; breakers" before we go out.
Now I understand that money is funny but at the end of the day... if you have conversed with this woman then, if for nothing besides companionship for the evening, you decided to take her out on the town....or as you said above "trick" for her. But wouldn't that be your own fault for not investing your time in her verbally before you invested your money?
J. Wiggins... This blog was sent to me by a mutual friend asking for my thoughts on what you have expressed here. So, I thought I would take a moment to comment on what you have put of there for all to see. First of all, don't take my words personally as I would say this to ANY brotha that posted the same.
Initially, it was hard to get past the arrogant, self-centered introduction of "J. Wiggins doing his thang on every channel." Reading through this self-proclamation was the long route to get to your main point.
There's no question that we are in a recession and while money is short, prices on certains forms of entertainment have remained steady or even increased. However, I would have to disagree that a nice evening of entertainment has turned into trickin' because, "we don't got it." It sounds to me like it's turned into trickin because "you don't get it."
Important note here... You should NEVER talk about money and dating in an open forum with "mixed" company. It only shows how cheap you are. #2 you should never put a price value on your time spent with a woman. Shaana made a good point, "TALKING prior to going out, I think a lot of undesireables would be weeded out, before any regrettable bread was spent." If you want to see what someone is about, talk them on the phone, invite them out for happy hour. Whoever, said that dinner and a movie made a good first date? When have you ever got to know someone during a movie? My guess is if you're going to the movies, you should already know that you're interested in that person. You take a stranger to dinner and a movie and it doesn't work... That's on you not the woman. You said a female friend told you she met a dude that was cool but called him cheap when he offered to take her bowling. What does that say about your friend and any other woman that thinks that way? Would you take her out?
Bottomline is... Don't put a $$ value on the time you spend with a woman. If you put in the quality time and effort getting to know a woman before you ask her out... more than likely money won't be an issue when you take her out.
Phirst Pham Love! '06
Man its hard to not to spend alot of dough and still keep a females attention, ladies here in the USA are to materialistic if you dont spend money they either think your broke or cheap they could give a shit if your just trying to be responsible with your bread. I dont blame the girls they dont know any better I blame the country as a whole the only way to meet ladies without money being a issue is to go date a lady from another country where the materialistic nature hasnt already corrupted them.
Hey dont hate on texting thats the best thing ever invented that way you can be with your main breezy and still hook up nana for later without her catching on ya digg thats why guys dont call you they text cause they with someone else yao ming haha
I agree with the whole not one person paying for the whole date theory. I always try to pay for something or send something nice to him to say Thank you! I never like going to the movie's on the first couple dates you can't talk. You can find out a lot about a person if you go do something fun. There's nothing wrong with ordering take out inviting a person over play board games, or something.. People forget the little things go a long way. A good date is all in what thought is put into it.
Kelli A.
K...Wigg.
Here's my solution to recession dating...
Dinner: If you don't have mad kitchen skills, order in (something like those pizza hut tuscan pasta thingies)
If you're crazy in the kitchen, what a nice introduction it would be for you to showcase those skills!!!
As for the movie, Red Box it...or if you're feeling benevolent, Blockbuster it. Heck, channel surf for goodness sake and converse about the foolery that's on TV. This could actually be enlightening.
Either way, $20 or less for a good meal and $1-$5 for the movie. No gas, no regretted pomp and circumstance, no huge investment. If she's a winner, plan ahead and splurge on the second date. You'll now have a better idea of what she likes.
Since we're all recession conscious, she should be okay with the initial frugal approach. If she's not, then she's already presented the first of many deal breakers. Only issue that may come up is the fact that she had to drive to your house. But you're furnishing all the entertainment and effort. So, this shouldn't be a huge deal. Idk, maybe I'm too simple. But two people should be able to enjoy simple things without all of the pressure to make a good first impression. Ya dig?
BTW, who wants to be tricked????
I can get my own meals, purses, shoes and such. By this age, one should prefer substance.
Just sayin'...
For me personally, it's all about the time you spend with a person. With that being said what I get sick and tired of seeing are men that have just met you, maybe you have talked a little on the phone or whatever but they want to come to your and watch movies. To me that's not cool. I want to see how a person acts in public and interacts with you. Who cares about how much money they spend on a date if you don't like them and don't plan on ever seeing them again. That was a waste of time. I would say 99.9% of the time when I go on a date I do not pay. There have been times when I have offered to pay my own way when I know I am not really into the guy. But as a gentleman they still pay. I hate the typical dinner and a movie, especially if it is the first date. I see that as a bit boring.
This reply is for E-Diddy06... I must first tell you in the nicest way possible that you are an idiot... Well maybe you aren't an idiot but I do question your comprehension skills. When I sated that "I was doing my thang on every channel", please keep in mind that the first line of the blog is, "I WAS IN THE BEST SLEEP OF MY LIFE..." If I can't be superman in my DREAMS, when can I be superman? Is that arrogance that I had a dream that I was on EVERY SINGLE CHANNEL? No it isn't... If you read my early blogs, you would tell that my company Concepts Productions actually started off as A DREAM. Therefore, I don't put it past God that he can actually put me in the position to be ANYTHING that I dream about it. Are we clear?
As for the "Dating Jeopardy" blog, it was once again inspired by numerous female friends that I had conversations with. I have never had a female complain about how much money I spent on a date because I have never personally went through the things that I stated in the blog. I NEVER stated that this blog was an issue that I was personally dealing with. I do however understand that this is an issue that is prevalent to many men and women in the dating scene and it is very evident by the types of responses that I am receiving. Sure your advice of activities is great and I definitely respect them. (Happy Hours, etc) This blog isn't directed at the women that would agree to do that. It is more tuned towards the women who feel THAT isn't good enough... Yes... These women do exist. Being that way in no way makes them a bad person. I'm simply posing a question to see how they feel about certain issues... Those questions are as follows... " Do you think women require men to spend money on them like THAT or do you think that there are some women out there that feel that bowling is good enough? Do you think that you can get the same great conversation from going to coffee shop/bookstore/bowling versus dinner and a movie?"""
In closing, there is nothing wrong with providing your opinions and you or anyone else does not have to agree with me. I just challenge you to read the blog in its entirety and not skim through it and create your opinions. I'm just sayin'... Thanks buddy.
Wow I'm all late and stuff. Well to E so and so's defense most of your BLOGs are self centered and you are arrogant, but hell I think anyone who thinks well of themselves has the right to be that way. It's your BLOG you can have an ego trip if you want to.
I take issue with your points about "us" not having it due to the recession. I have plenty of money, I'm not hurting in anyway and I have done well with my investments prior to the downturn...because I was financially savvy I am not panicking like most Americans…but anyway the point of your blog was to answer the questions...
As a woman I don't think that we require a certain amount of money in general, and I believe bowling is good enough. I can think of several opportunities for good conversation and most of them don't require money.
I do think that anyone who is counting their money so closely that it comes down to ordering one drink or two at the movies should probably be re-evaluating some things. I strongly recommend hiring a personal financial consultant. Dating is a "leisure" activity and if you can't do so without praying that your date (male or female) doesn't order an appetizer and a meal...stay home or get a second job, and wait until you are financially stable enough to enjoy "leisure" activities.
I'm glad you clarified that you aren't a broke cheapskate...because I really did interpret the BLOG to be from your personal experiences. You are one of the hardest working men in OK so you better not be counting coins on a date.
Look i was raised by a WOMAN and i was always told that if you ask a LADY (notice i said LADY) out on uh date then you pay for EVERYTHING. But some of us men dont have the LADY METER in us this determines a hoochie from a woman lol by way i met a woman once on our 1st date we went to my house and ate chicken and fries from the deep fryer and kool-aid (RED) cheap huh? 11yrs and 2 kids later she is my wife. It aint what you spend ladies its how you BLEND
OK, so here's my suggestion to the dating game. Why not meet at the mall or a park and just chill and talk. Get to know the person up close and personal. If things seem great then decide on going to lunch or dinner later. At that point the man can decide if spending the big bucks is worth it or not. I used to try to meet my dates like this just to pull them out of the church clothes and see how they dress on casual setting. I'm big on a mans dressing attire. My big deal breaker. lol!! But it takes away alot of anxiety this way and gives you a chance to determine if your ready for the next step. a first date doesn't have to be all about how much he spends on you because that can always be a front as well. I had a friend that would wine and dine the female but once he reeled her in, all that wining and dining was over. He would start asking her to pay for things and then break it down about how much he spent on her on dates and she shouldn't be mad. OK i would die laughing because i felt sorry for these women that he baited in like this. Meaning, I felt sorry for these type of women that only dated him based on their standards and never taking the time to really get to know him. Unfortunatly, he did attempt that on me but i saw through his gold rims and decked out car and hot body. If he was all that, why was he single in the first place then. We were only friends because i knew his sister.
It's been a long time...I shouldn't have left u...without a dope beat to step to... LOL
I know this blog is over a month old but I still would like to give my 2 cents!
"Do you think women require men to spend money on them like THAT or do you think that there are some women out there that feel that bowling is good enough?"
I feel like there are women that fall into both of those categories. And that is evident from the responses to this blog. LOL From what my male friends tell me, the women that require men to spend money like "THAT" far out number the women that feel that bowling is good enough. I personally agree with Shamar, Ayana & Kelli A. (to name a few) And I really like the quote from Anonymous "It aint what you spend ladies its how you BLEND" -so true!
"Do you think that you can get the same great conversation from going to coffee shop/bookstore/bowling versus dinner and a movie?"
It is very important that we (as individuals) take the time to get to know a person regardless if it's via phone or face to face. When watching a movie usually there is not much talking going on so I think one can get a more in-depth & better quality conversation "from going to coffee shop/bookstore/bowling" etcetera....
I believe if two people are genuinely interested in getting to know one another better & wanting to test the compatibility waters then they will be more concerned with the quality & quantity of the interactions/time spent than the amount of money involved. I don’t believe in wasting time or money (meaning mine or anyone else’s). The more time people put into getting to really know one another the less money they waste…IJS
Dating is over rated. I love getting to know men, but I prefer the quiet atmosphere of a coffee shop or a bar stool somewhere. Of course I don't mind buying a round or two.... gives me back some of the power. Why should the guy have it all by paying for everything?
Post a Comment